Grief Resources

It doesn't matter if the pet was a mouse or a mastiff – grief is independent of size. Whether you lost your companion due to an accident, illness, or natural causes, grief and sadness are normal responses to loss.

Mourning or grief occurs in stages that are experienced similarly by people in all walks of life and from a wide variety of cultures. It is not a strictly predictable process and each of us experiences grief in different ways. Some of us will get stuck in one of the stages for a long period of time or never reach closure. It takes different people differing lengths of time to pass through the stages of grief and they do not necessarily occur in the same order or intensity in different people.

            The Five Stages of Grief and Mourning:

1. Denial, Shock: It is common for our first reaction to learning of the death or terminal illness of a pet to be denial and inability to grasp the fact. We feel stunned, bewildered and dazed. This is a normal reaction, which is often called shock. Shock is temporary but it gets us through the initial weeks.
   

2. Anger: Anger and looking for objects to be angry at, often occurs subsequent to the initial shock of pet loss. We may lash out at friends and family or, more frequently, at ourselves. It is common for us to feel guilty and sometimes, the veterinarian who tended to our pets become the object of this anger. Other times it is self-directed or directed at other members of the family. The best way to get over this anger phase is through talk and conversation.
   

3. Bargaining: Bargaining is another method we use for coping with pet loss. We may search for miracle cures to incurable diseases or seek out second opinions from a different veterinarian. We think of all the things we would do or not due if only the pet would get better.
   

4. Depression, Sorrow, Sadness: Depression is the longest portion of grief and mourning. We are sad, hopeless and helpless and we are regretful. We think about our lost pet constantly and we wish we had done things differently.
   

5. Resolution: If we are fortunate, we eventually reach the stage of acceptance and healing. We treasure the time we had with our pet and lapse into a period of calm and tranquility– if not happiness. We develop a new lifestyle in which other things substitute for the relationship we had without pet. This is the time we might look for another pet.

It is important for adults to give themselves permission to grieve. If you experience the loss of your pet, Accept that you were very close to your pet and recognize how much the pet meant to you. Try to get plenty of rest, eat well and exercise. Surround yourself with positive friends who understand your loss and let them share your burden. Treat yourself to pleasurable activities. Be patient. Recognize that you will have relapses of grief and sadness. Remember that grief will pass and life will be pleasant again. Don’t be afraid to lean on friends and pet loss support groups. Sometimes creating something special to remember your lost pet by helps. Place a memorial plaque to your pet in a favorite spot. This allows you to pay tribute to the pet that meant so much to you.

The death of a family pet is often the first real grief loss children will experience in their life. The child may blame itself, his or her parents, or the veterinarian for not saving the pet. And he or she may feel guilty, depressed, and frightened that others they love may be taken from them. Expressing your own grief may reassure your child that sadness is okay and help your child work through their feelings.

Coping with the loss of a pet can be particularly hard for seniors. Those who live alone may feel a loss of purpose and an immense emptiness. The pet's death may also trigger painful memories of other losses and remind caregivers of their own mortality. What's more, the decision to get another pet is complicated by the possibility that the pet may outlive the caregiver, and also depends on the person's physical and financial ability to care for a new pet. For all these reasons, it's critical that senior pet owners take immediate steps to cope with their loss and regain a sense of purpose. If you are a senior, try interacting with friends and family, calling a pet loss support hotline, even volunteering at a local humane society.

Other animals in the household may also grieve, missing the companionship of an ever-present pal. Giving them a little extra attention will help soothe their experience of loss, and the affection they return will benefit you, as well. Don’t deny yourself the experience of loving an animal again. When experiencing grief, it’s easy to say, “never again,” but the healing power of time can again open your heart to the joy and companionship of a pet. 

When a friend or someone you know just lost their pet, that person is grieving because of their loss. It is difficult to know how to act and how to be there for your friend/ family member. For many people, losing a pet is the same as losing a close human member of the family. Support them as you would support someone who has just lost someone very dear to them. It is important to allow your friend to go through the grieving process in their own way. Do not put your views and beliefs on them, but instead be there for them by listening and being understanding. Remember that silence is ok, and it is difficult to know what to say. Often times, having a friend who is understanding and simply there for support is helpful. Others offer to help their friend pick up the cremains or help with the burial arrangements. Also extending your condolences by sending letters, flowers, donations to animal shelters in their pets name will mean so much to the person that is grieving.

Given time, healing will occur for the grieving pet owner. There are several things that the grieving owner can do to help with the healing process. First, give yourself permission to grieve. Only you know what your pet truly meant to you. Memorialize your pet. This helps make the loss real and helps with closure by allowing you to express your feelings, pay tribute and reflect. Surround yourself with people who care and understand your loss. Take advantage of support groups and pet loss resources. Learn all that you can about the grieving process.